At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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