Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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