I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
