We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
