my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
