you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
