nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
