I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
