I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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