I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
