I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
