just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
