Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
