so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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