okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
