What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
