I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
