it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
