Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
