I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
