If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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