bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
