he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize