My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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