she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
