They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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