Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
