Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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