So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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