theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
