Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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