you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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