yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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