I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
