What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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