Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize