You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
