If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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