its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
