So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
