remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize