im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
zippers are such a cool invention
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
