Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
