don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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