Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
