Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
