she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
