It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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