im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
