You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
