Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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