Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
