he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
