Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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