dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
