Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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