i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
