I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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