my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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