A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
