Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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