You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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