Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
