Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
