So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
