thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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