I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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