I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
