i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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