worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
