We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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